Want to write for 1234V?

Type-writer GirlSo, you wanna submit to our awesome zine? You don’t need a V to write about them, but there are a few guidelines if you would like to submit something to 1234V. First, each issue has a theme. The next issue explores the topic of Food. Have you noticed a weird smell down in your lady parts after an all-asparagus dinner and then later your lover makes a face upon coming up for air like a baby eating a lemon? Have you tried some sexy times with a certain food and had a disastrous effect, like maybe a yeasty little visitor? Did you ever get crumbs from a cookie, stuck in your nookie? Did you ever shove lox, up in your box? Did you ever see a cake that looks like a cunt, down by the bay?

We like funny shit. We want confessional anecdotes. Comics are good. Poems are bad, unless it’s a haiku… or an exceptional limerick. Don’t write preachy shit, warm and fuzzy shit, or submit lecture notes from your Women’s Studies class from three years ago. Write like your belligerent self. Write the story as you would tell it if you were drunk in a bar with your friends and you’re telling them about the time that you were on the phone having a conversation with your partner and they confessed to you that they had a food fetish, so you set up a sexy night for your special buddy wrapping your dainties in different pastries, and setting up a seductive buffet, and you sneak a snack up your snook and set the mood, and then you realize that your bits are starting to itch a teense, and that the cabbage roll you stuck up your twat maybe wasn’t the sexiest of foods, but you can hear the door bell ringing and as you’re cursing your Russian heritage you waddle to the bathroom with your skirt hiked up so as not to get any tomato sauce from the cabbage roll on it, which at this point is steadily dripping out of your V, creating an unfortunate flooding period effect, and then you remember that you just gave your sweetie a key, and at that second they too remember the key and let themselves in to what might possibly be the most unappetizing scene both sexually and pallet-wise, and you find yourself rushing to explain that you had wanted to enjoy their food fetish with them by preparing this authentic Russian meal to be eaten off and out of your body, when your honey gets awkward and red and says, “You mean my foot fetish?”

Don’t let shame prevent you from contributing.

Why do we want to know about this stuff? Because, vaginas are weird and hilarious creatures. They do things that can’t always be explained, and whether this makes us laugh, or think, or gasp, or pull back in disgust, we want to read about it. Seriously.

Submit your stories, comics, art, drawings, jokes, zine theme ideas, photos to: info(at)1234v(dot)ca.

1234V is also looking for bloggers. Do you have incidental and anecdotal stories about vaginas? Then don’t be ashamed to share them on our blog. The stories have to be true and they have to be yours and they have to be stories! Tell them to us like you would tell your friends. Loud opinions and commentary on sex-related news, art and culture are also welcome!

Send a quick pitch to: adriana(dot)rolston@gmail(dot)com.

Read the V. Spread the word.

We, the editors, reserve the right to edited submissions for style and content. We also reserve the right to refuse any articles we find racist, homophobic, libellous, violent, mysoginist, poorly written, ill-conceived, lame, not funny when trying to be, or might not be a right fit for none of the above reasons or all of the above reasons.

2 responses

6 02 2010
30 06 2010
Jess Chapman

It’s baffling that this magazine exists.

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