Cum one, cum all and learn about bigger, better orgasms!

1 10 2011

“There are many paths up orgasm mountain,” said Carlyle Jansen, the owner of Good For Her sex shop in Toronto. They recently hosted the Bigger, Better, Multiple Orgasms for EVERYbody workshop at the store. Being a big fan of “La petite mort” or “the little death,” as the French say, I showed up to learn from the always candid and confident Jansen about enhancing my own Os and those of my lover(s).

We went over the mechanics of orgasms and how they stem from both physical sensation and psychological triggers. Because if you’re mind is elsewhere, like worrying about whether the person going down on you thinks you taste funky or whether they noticed the tiny patch of hair you forgot to shave, then it makes it harder to cum. To fully feel the sensations you need to have your head in the game. You need to be in the moment. Which can be challenging, especially these days when our growing need to be connected to everything and everyone at all times leaves us with the attention spans of gnats. So try and slot in some sexy time in your head and leave the to-do list for later.

And on the topic of mind-blocks, we also addressed the orgasm peer pressure that women can take on when we feel like we’re not climaxing soon enough for our partners. We fall into the trap of worrying about it, which distracts us even farther from our goal. Like when you start telling yourself, “I really want to cum, I’m so close. Almost there. OK, here we go. Fuck! I lost it. C’mon. C’MON!!!!” It’s kind of like you become your own annoying cheerleader and profanity-spewing coach all rolled into one. And the reality is that women, on average, can take about twice as long to orgasm as men do. So there’s no need to get our knickers in a knot if a male partner blows his load in 10 minutes and we’re only starting to see fireworks after twenty. So cool your jets and try and enjoy the ride ladies. I mean it’s an orgasm, not a 200-meter dash. Not only can you enjoy the scenery, it’s encouraged.


Moving on, we got into ways you can upgrade your orgasms to the next level. One technique to amplify your O is to crank up the volume on your climactic chorus. It always feels better when you can just let loose and moan, or shriek like a banshee if that’s your style. An orgasm is supposed to be about release, not suppression. So when you think about it, stifling your moans is a bit counter productive. Unfortunately due to a number of factors like, for example, roommates, thin walls, living with your parents or Catholicism-induced guilt, many feel pressured to lower their lewd sound effects. Which is shame because an orgasm shouldn’t be treated like a visit to the museum. It should be a natural, animalistic, thunderous expression of pleasure. So try getting loud, and to hell with the neighbours upstairs. If you have to endure their kid’s incessant saxophone practicing they can stand to hear you hit your operatic high notes.

And for those who want to cum using a new sensation as opposed to a tried, true and tested method Jansen gave us the low down. Apparently there are two opposing theories about how to go about retraining your orgasm itinerary. Say, for instance, you can only cum when you’re clit-happy. In theory, number one you would start to stimulate your clit the way you do normally. But as soon as you reach that pleasure plateau before climax (the one where you need to bring in your top notch fantasy, change up porn scenes, or give yourself pep talks) you switch up your method, like start to finger your G-spot (which I’ll get deeper into later). At first you may not make it to the finish, but as you experiment with the timing you’ll have to rely less on clit-play until eventually you won’t need it at all. Kind of like taking the clitoral training wheels of your masturbation bike. And since my mind just went there I’ll insert a disclaimer that you should never jill off while cycling, even if you’re wearing a helmet.

Someday you’ll be pro at this.

Theory number two is a little more intense. Basically, if you can only cum while polishing your pearl then that bauble is off-limits. You need to find another route to get to orgasm town, and no matter how often you get lost on the way, you can’t go back to the old route. Kind of like quitting smoking cold turkey, this method is all about rewiring yourself, which sounds daunting and frustrating, especially because we are creatures of habit. Carlyle compared it to having your car break down before you have to go to work. The first day will be a mad scramble to find tokens, or your bike, and you’ll get to office late. But the next day you’ll get up earlier, jump on transit, and it will be easier. Eventually you’ll have the new route down pat. It just takes patience, and maybe some titillating aids like porn or erotica.

Then we tackled multiple orgasms, which are all about riding the arousal rollercoaster before it plummets. Once you climax your arousal level starts to drop, and in the instance where you’re stimulating your clit, it also becomes highly sensitive to touch. So your best bet is to give your clit a rest but keep the good times going by diverting your attention elsewhere. For instance you could caress your labia, which contains a lot of nerve endings, or if you’re into butt play, your anus is a nerve ending gold mine, and the equal opportunity orifice of all sexes, as Jansen pointed out. Then you can quickly work yourself back up to round two and hopefully many more.

You may love riding the arousal roller coaster but eventually you have to get off.

Another fun element of Os that we addressed is female ejaculation. Any woman can do it. One easy way is to pay homage to the all mighty G-spot. While aroused, if you insert your finger(s) in your vagina and make a come hither motion towards your belly button you can find you’re G-spot, although you may have to try going shallow or deep, because the location isn’t the same for every woman. Some may also need to exert more pressure. The G-spot is also known as the urethral sponge and it’s located below the bladder, which results in that misleading I’m-about-to-piss-myself feeling. When you stimulate it the sponge fills with liquid, and if you bear down as if you are going to pee while you’re cumming you can create your own little rain spout. But what happens to the liquid when you don’t ejaculate, you may be wondering? It drains into the bladder and exits the body the next time you tinkle, which is often why we feel the need to piss like a racehorse right after sex.  Watch the vid below for an engaging, clear, instructional video on female ejaculation from Jaiya, a world-renown New World Sex Educator.

Jansen shared a story about a friend of hers who was keen to master wet and wild climaxing. She practiced for an afternoon using a sex toy while on the toilet because the porcelain bowl was a place she felt comfortable squirting into. So if you’re a little anxious about wetting your sheets you can always conduct your practice rounds in the shower. Or you could pull out a tarp and go at it slip and slide style. And as for the myth that a porn star can gush gallons of liquid from her pussy, in reality the amount that you squirt when you orgasm would only fill a shot glass in its entirety. It may look like a lot when it’s shooting out like a geyser, but it’s only a mere puddle when it’s concentrated, so no need to run for your plastic poncho.

Ok baby! Turn on the waterworks!

What I took way from the workshop is that whether you’re playing with your fingers or vibrator, being rammed with a strap-on or riding someone in a bus terminal washroom, anyone can experience, bigger, better, multiple orgasms. It’s just a matter of making the time, being open to new sensations and going at it. And why not? The only kind of Os you shouldn’t be having regularly are the fake ones.



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