Delving deep into dirty daydreams at an erotic fantasy workshop, this week on the V!

12 05 2011

Right from the outset of Megan Andelloux’s Fantasy Island workshop at Good For Her I couldn’t help but notice her resemblance to Wilma Flinstone, if the Bedrock babe specialized in sassy sex education for a living, that is.

The vivacious red-head is a Certified Sexuality and HIV Educator from the US and last week she spoke to a group of us about erotic fantasies and healthy, fun ways to communicate them and explore them. She’s also a Sexologist who lectures internationally at educational and sexual institutions, as well as medical schools, where she has helped train doctors to avoid using the clitoris as a thumb rest during pap smears. Reducing law suits and keeping cooches safe is a pretty admirable feat. Not to mention The Vagina Monologues named her “Vagina Warrior of the year.” I’m quite jealous of that title. If I had it I would place it front and centre on my business card.

Andelloux’s spunky attitude and down-to-earth approach to discussing sexual fantasies definitely eased the tension. We began the workshop by drawing sexual fantasies we believe are shared commonly by people. Then we crumpled them, tossed them around the room, picked one up and described it. Examples were: spanking, hot nurse, threesomes, orgies, bondage, and a young girl. Typical, if you’re browsing the homepage of your average porn site.

But our actual sexual fantasies can be very detailed, multifaceted narratives that are selected or change depending on our mood and kinks, whether we are single or in some kind of relationship(s), what kind of porn or erotica we consume, or whatever experiences inspire us. Sex fantasies are the natural choose-your-own-adventure activity of our horny minds. The beauty is that we can engage in them just as easily while doing the laundry as having a quickie in a parking lot or masturbating on a Tuesday night. As Andelloux was quick to point out, the brain is the most powerful sexual organ that we have.

A smorgasbord of fantasy functions

In our discussion we addressed how fantasies can serve various purposes. They can be a hot, entertaining distraction. You know, like when you’re stuck riding the Viva or the Go Train for an hour plus and there isn’t any appealing reading material around. Or they can help us to partake in the impossible, like fantastical situations that involve any combination of vampires, yeti’s, centaurs, mermaids, etc. But fantasies also allow us to participate in situations that we would probably never dream of actually fulfilling, for instance rape, pedophilia or incest. Andelloux emphasized that these examples can have legal implications in real life, and even rape role playing can have serious ramifications if one party decides to pursue legal action afterwards. Because child pornography creation and possession is illegal this is an area that should also be tread carefully. But we didn’t explore the complex implications that these types of fantasies may have on our psyches or our desires in the workshop. Another benefit of fantasizing while you’re polishing the pearl or fucking is that it can result in quicker or longer or more fulfilling orgasms, especially if you need something to jumpstart or regain your mojo.

Your hind legs are looking fine guuuurl

We debated whether or not fantasizing about someone else during sex with a partner constitutes cheating, which got pretty interesting. As Andelloux inquired, what if the person or people you are fantasizing about are faceless? Is it less real or loyal in that case? Personally I believe that as long as a fantasy remains in the realm of fantasy then infidelity is not an issue. But can fantasizing ever become chronic or unhealthy? Andelloux explained that if you cannot function sexually without fantasizing then you might have a problem.

Talk dirty to me

And then there’s the process of actually communicating your fantasy with the partner(s) in your life. There’s always that deep fear that they won’t dig it. Although it puts you in a vulnerable place it can be healthy to share your fantasies with the sexual partners that you trust because if they are on board it can greatly enhance your naughty play. Andelloux pointed out that nowadays you can use your cell to sext your fantasies. Like sending your partner a list of all the things you want them to do to you when you get home, which is technology instant gratification at its best, I’d say. She also suggested getting old school creative and writing a message on your body or leaving dirty instructions around the house for them to find.

I dare say, someone's been a naughty little slut muffin!

When shit gets real

In the second half of the workshop we made the shift from discussing fantasies to talking about practical, safe ways to explore some of them. A topic that we plugged away at the most was butt play. As a self-identifying medical nerd, Andelloux explained the ins and outs of anal anatomy and cleared up myths about uncontrollable bowel movements and the like. Some memorable tips: your rectum will suck things in like a black hole so make sure whatever you stick in it has a wider base; if you need to relax your anus just concentrate on wiggling both your fingers and your toes, or relaxing your jaw, which has a similar effect on the rest of the body; and you should never rip something out of your ass. So if you get the chance to play out your fantasies try to be smart and safe about it, particularly when it comes to butt plugs.

Fuck! I forgot my safeword again!

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