There’s still time to send your food stories! And read about my new sex-toy obsession, of course.

7 12 2010

Greetings V-lovers. If you missed The Food issue submission deadline you are in luck. You now have until Dec. 11th to send us your juicy tales, savoury secrets, sexy recipes or musings on how food and Vs mix. We also accept visual art, graphic design, jokes and more, so get cooking!

On another note, have you ever been so excited to buy something that you counted down the days? Like when the release date arrives for a highly anticipated DVD, or you’ve finally saved enough moola to buy those expensive leather boots you’ve been eyeing. And then comes the long-awaited moment when you go to the store, hold the item lovingly in your hands for the last time as a foreign object and bring it to the cashier to finally make it your own.

Well that’s how I feel right now about a sex toy. But it’s not just any sex toy. It all started this past July when I visited Good for Her with a friend who was purchasing her first solo-vibe. I was scanning the vibe section and my eyes rested upon this scrum-diddly-umptious specimen.

It was a toy unlike anything I had ever seen before. I stared at the quizzical, modern design, which stood out on the shelf of usual suspects.

And of course, because of that, I had to pick it up and take it for a mild test run. And once I had experienced its impressive array of pulsing speeds vibrating eagerly between my fingertips, I fell for it hard and fast. My pulse raced and my cheeks flushed. I couldn’t deny it. There was no doubt in my mind. I was in love. And one day it would be mine.

The dream-toy that I’m referring to is the Jimmy Jane Form 2. Shaped like a small orb with bunny ears, or a bulbous pronged instrument, Form 2 stretches the imagination of the standard sex-toy shape. It bears more resemblance to a modern sculpture than a tool of pleasure, especially since it rests on small, simple white platform that serves the dual function of a charging dock. No muss. No fuss.

It’s geared toward external stimulation, like stroking the labia and most obviously, the clitoris. In fact, the design screams clit-squeezer. It’s the perfect pair of salad prongs for your sought-after crouton. Well, minus the crunching. The flexible pincer-like appendages are perfect for pinching, squeezing, stroking and holding your pearl while humming away happily. And unlike the infamous Rabbit’s light fluttering, Form 2 packs twice the punch with a motor in each nubbin, which don’t stop dead when pressed against your button. It pushes through. It ain’t no quitter, it’s rechargeable. And although it seems better suited for external play I’m sure that with a bit of creative finangling you can achieve some internal massage. And with something so bold and different, why not be adventurous? On another note, it definitely has anal play potential, as long as you clean it before switching it up. Sanitation people!

But anyways, back on that fateful day when I first swooned over the curvy anomaly before me, I couldn’t justify purchasing such a pricey toy. Not expensive by quality sex toy standards, just a bit steep for me to imagine appearing on my bank account statement that month. But I did make a solemn vow to myself, and when it comes to pleasure instruments it always has to be a serious pledge, I find, or else I’ll likely talk myself out of it. I promised myself that someday in the future I would invest in my sexual well-being by purchasing the gem. And now that day has arrived. This coming Friday, December 10th, from 6-10 p.m., Good For Her is having a holiday sale with the Toronto Women’s Book Store. In my world, this is bigger than Sears Days. The goodies I want to save my hard earned cash for are quality porn, vibes, erotica and all manners of naughty products. But first and foremost I love the idea of getting a discount on my sweet, sweet baby. Only five more days until its all mine! It will be glorious! It’s almost too good to be true. Call it sex-toy fate. Moral of the story: good vibes are worth waiting for.

How could you not fall in love?

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