Calling all foodies!

2 10 2010

Hello lovers of the V!

We’re currently working on our next issue of 1234V… the FOOD ISSUE! We’re looking for stories from you (or thoughts on food and vaginas, or aphrodisiacs, or recipes??!), and we’d like them by December 1, 2010. Please and thank you kindly.

We like funny shit. We want confessional anecdotes. Comics are good. Poems are bad, unless it’s a haiku . . . or an exceptional limerick. Don’t write preachy shit, warm and fuzzy shit, or submit lecture notes from your Women’s Studies class from three years ago. Write like your belligerent self. Write the story as you would tell it if you were drunk in a bar with your friends and you’re telling them about the time that you were on the phone having a conversation with your partner and they confessed to you that they had a food fetish, so you set up a sexy night for your special buddy wrapping your dainties in different pastries, and setting up a seductive buffet, and you sneak a snack up your snook and set the mood, and then you realize that your bits are starting to itch a teense, and that the cabbage roll you stuck up your twat maybe wasn’t the sexiest of foods, but you can hear the door bell ringing and as you’re cursing your Russian heritage you waddle to the bathroom with your skirt hiked up so as not to get any tomato sauce from the cabbage roll on it, which at this point is steadily dripping out of your V, creating an unfortunate flooding period effect, and then you remember that you just gave your sweetie a key, and at that second they too remember the key and let themselves in to what might possibly be the most unappetizing scene both sexually and pallet-wise, and you find yourself rushing to explain that you had wanted to enjoy their food fetish with them by preparing this authentic Russian meal to be eaten off and out of your body, when your honey gets awkward and red and says, “You mean my foot fetish?”

Don’t let shame prevent you from contributing.

Why do we want to know about this stuff? Because, vaginas are weird and hilarious creatures. They do things that can’t always be explained, and whether this makes us laugh, or think, or gasp, or pull back in disgust, we want to read about it. Seriously.

We, the editors, reserve the right to edit submissions for style and content. We also reserve the right to refuse any articles we find racist, homophobic, libelous, violent, misogynistic, poorly written, ill-conceived, lame, not funny when trying to be, or might not be a right fit for none of the above reasons or all of the above reasons.

Send your ideas and submissions to:
info@1234v.ca

Looking forward to seeing what you’ve got!

Love,
Team V (Sarah & Jo)

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